@alicia_coates_: Im just overflowing today-I just can’t keep all my goodies in my suit 👀🙊😳 ahahah a lol 😜! I’m gonna sit outside for an hour- because I can’t remember the last time I had real sun… And I’m not going to think about anything but cake🍰🍰🍰 lol. Happy thoughts happy thoughts - Happy Tuesday!
so i gave into temptation today and looked at jimmie’s FB. he’s in a relationship. it’s official now, i guess. fuck.
the only consolation is that she’s this little sophomore. jimmie’s a senior and he’s graduating in a little over a month.. and he’s dating a sophomore lol. it just seems kind of pathetic.. i just hope they break up before next fall so that he doesn’t come back to campus. i also hope he doesn’t go to the roller blading thing tonight. lol. ughhghnfrfnfmnv
Part of me is sad for graduation, having to say goodbye to people that I’ve gotten to know for good.
But right now all I want is the end of the school year so Jimmie will graduate and I will never ever have to see him around campus again. Good riddance
1. housing is SO freaking frustrating. like, we have our housing arrangements all figured out until like a month before they’re due and then it’s like oh well tovah needs roommates for her apartment so we might room with her and then oh kelly thinks its better if we don’t room together and then well maybe we can room together and then oh but michelle doesn’t want an apartment any more she wants the community of a dorm floor and oh my god i just want to room with people next year who i will get along with and i do not want a miserable senior year with 3 strangers and tension and noises and chewing and no privacy.
2. when i am around people, i’m generally okay. surprisingly, actually. i’m not like emo. but i think that’s temporary. but anyway, around people i’m okay, but as soon as i’m either alone or like walking around outside or when i like become aware of the people around me, i just get ANXIOUS. it’s really sucky. i don’t know exactly why i’m anxious. i think i’m anxious i’ll see jimmie.. and i think i’m also anxious because i’m like, fuck, what am i doing? what’s the point of my life, what’s my goal? because right now i don’t really like have a reason to be alive. not in a suicidal kind of way, but i just feel like lost and without purpose and it’s stressing me out and making me nervous.
i hate feeling nervous
Day one after break: find out my recent ex has moved on
Day two: best friend can’t be herself around me and wants to distance herself
Oh and my roommate brought back lice.
Seriously… What is wrong with me? I feel abandoned and unimportant left and right. How can I think this isn’t my fault? My relationships don’t work out and I’m the common factor. I just don’t know what to think or do. I feel so lost
I need my therapist lol
Feeling sad again. And anxious, like I’m going to throw up. People say to let yourself be sad, but what does that mean? How do you tell the difference between being appropriately sad and dwelling on something?
@planettamar: At 37 and with 6 autoimmune diseases I think I can try to take the title for one of the nicest butts on IG. This is all real. No photoshop. I have all the pics on my phone to prove it. Anyway…..share it if you like it. Let’s grow this ig page. #fitspiration #inspiration #glutes #booty #bootyqueen #squats #shesquats #shelifts #noexcuses #autoimmunewarrior #nothingwillstopme #npc #npcbikini #culoup #gymculo #labellamafia #hardcore #hardcoreladies #paleo #paleofitchick #keto #ketofitchick #ketopaleofitchick #paleolife #primallife #ketolife #hflc #lchf As you can see on a high fat low carb diet muscle does not disappear. Actually I have gained muscle. I eat 3x the amount of calories I used to eat and am leaner and stronger now. Wait til I cut calories to get ready for a show. Nothing gonna atop me. I am ready. #bringit
is it just me or does the beam to the right look warped..? lol
my school was having a “carnaval” dance in the union tonight and i went with my friend michelle. it was fun at first, it was just the two of us dancing in the mass of people. but then her friends came and we had to leave the circle to find them and they ended up just dancing like.. next to the group of people instead of in the circle. and i dunno why but i like cannot get into music unless i’m surrounded by people. like i don’t have to be in the center of the group but i need to have people around me so i at least feel like i’m part of the circle. dancing next to the group just makes me feel stupid lol. plus it’s awkward dancing with people you don’t know.. so i left a little bit after that.
i saw jimmie when we got there. he had his coat on so i’m not sure what he was doing there lol. it’s getting to the point where i like don’t even know what to do now, like i feel like i should go up and say hi if i see him. i mean it’s never been this full eye-contact situation, like tonight it was dark and i just saw his outline and recognized him so i pretended i never saw him. but it’s just like, i dunno. i dunno what to do. when i was dancing with michelle i was fine but when i was dance-shuffling awkwardly i kept thinking about it and now i’m just in this like weird funk. meh :\